Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
