Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
