I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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