have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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