sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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