last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
