i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
