Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
