he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
if i died would you start the facebook group?
birth control should be required to get into college
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Is Oprah even human
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
