Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
