He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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