So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
