Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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