glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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