he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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