My hand turned me down
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
