does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
