Can i not drive my cunt home
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
