I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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