you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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