is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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