You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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