I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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