I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
