There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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