I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
