only you would photoshop your dick
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we're making bets on your personal life
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Randomize
