Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
