So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
