Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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