the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
