We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
