not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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