I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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