Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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