You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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