apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
vagina is talking i cant
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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