butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
