What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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