he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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