So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
