She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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