yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
3pm strippers are depressing
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
