Dude my mom stole all your condoms
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
