Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
