The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
