im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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