I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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