last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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