The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
