i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
